{leap}

i am about to start the artist’s way again and i approach this journey with an equal measurement of excitement and trepidation.

i am always excited starting something new. i think that is part of my problem! i love the initial euphoria, the anticipation... i used to love the beginning of the new school year: relishing the days leading up to it buying my new pencil case, folder, notebooks – all the trappings i felt would pave the way to make THIS the year for me: THIS is the year i excel. THIS is the year i get straight As. THIS is the year my parents will rejoice in the genius of their child... well i guess i was an optimist if nothing else! or would that be fantasist?

and so it has been the same with my journey on the artist’s way. each time i pick up the book, i buy myself a sparkling new journal. I test 100 pens to make sure i have one that feels {right} after all i may well be penning my first novel with it! i count down the dates in my calendar, marking this momentous occasion...then the day comes:

and i am lucky if i get myself to wake up that half an hour earlier to complete my morning pages! and even if i didn’t give up there and then: 6 days later panic strikes when i realise that i completely forgot about the artists date and the additional tasks! and pretty much within the month... the artist’s way? oh yeah, i’m planning to do that soon...

so here i am again. my classy (new) matte black journal sits there alluringly. my well thumbed book ready. and i am genuinely excited.

but there is one distinct difference this time. this time i am doing this as part of a community. actually i am co-hosting the community. crazy? uh-huh. in fact i am nothing short of terrified. because this gives me nowhere to hide. i can’t be the quiet one sitting in the back of the classroom just observing and letting everyone else do the work anymore. i can’t be shy and awkward about putting myself out there. i can’t pretend to be unsure about what i am doing. nor can i pretend to know it all. but most of all~ i can’t just forget about it.

i have a commitment to make now: not just to myself, but to a dozen other people who have taken the time to join me on this experience. giving up is not an option this time.

already i feel a sense of change. the programme hasn’t even started and i am already taking a leap of faith: in myself and in creativity. i am trusting if i jump, the net will appear.

yes, THIS time i will succeed.