{my fool}

a little while back i talked about wanting to create my own set of tarot cards.
since then i have been marinating in the journey of the fool,
sampling different incarnations of how the card appears to me...

i also realised how easy it is to become stuck at this point,
how the need to have a plan can actually hinder the journey,
creating a state of inertia which counters everything the card stands for.

the image i eventually settled on for my first card carries a picture of me at 3.
from the outset i knew i wanted a young spirit: a baby or child to represent the childish wonder embodied in this card.
and as i played with the different ideas,
i realised this card needed to be personal.
so i scoured through the old albums looking for a picture of myself which held the essence of the fool.

i wanted this card to convey,
and remind me,
that the fool lives within ~
it was there from the beginning,
and sometimes we just need to be reminded.
to remember,
because that's where the magic is.

once upon a time,
there was no plan,
no fear,
just dreams, adventure, and excitment.

a time when the present was exactly that ~
a gift savoured.
each day was a surprise,
waiting to be unwrapped,
each moment a new exploration.

there was no map,
no end destination.
it was a time when i listened to my heart;
before all other voices began to clutter my head and speak over it.

for me,
this is what the card of the fool represents.
the heart speaks...

{a work in progress}

i've spent the last week marinating in my fool's journey,
and it feels good.
a work in progress,
i've also been busy translating my image of the card from the moleskine
into a larger piece of art on canvas...
and i've been having a blast!

the fool is a card that resonates deeply within me.
a self pronounced lover of new beginnings,
this card represents the best of them.
without a care in the world,
skipping forward to meet the future,
with nothing but the expectation of wonder.
there is no fear,
no worries.
being propelled with pure curiosity,
the fool is like the best of a childs spirit,
fun, excitable, passionate and...
authentic.

as a child,
if you're lucky,
you are still empty of peoples expectations,
societys rules,
the perceived rules of conduct and propriety.
as a child you are not yet aware of failure,
humiliation, embarassment.

through a child you can see how life is meant to be lived ~
hope full and present.

as adults this magic has been slowly stripped away,
often without awareness,
with each growing year,
each disappointment,
there is a "reality check" and,
before you know it,
the fool is to be shunned.
to be avoided.
"oh my, you can't risk looking like a fool!"

and so it's been liberating,
getting to know my fool,
taking her hand and skipping down the road.

and i'm not worrying,
because i am looking forward to what's ahead :)

where's your fool been leading you?

{my foolish journey}

i am going to design my own set of tarot cards.
there.
i've typed it.
put it out there.
no going back now!

i am not a gifted artist and,
although i have owned and worked with tarot cards,
on and off,
for the last 20 years,
i am far from an expert.

but.
it's been the one constant in my life.
the one hobby, interest, passion, (insert word of choice or significance here),
i always come back to.
that has got to be telling me something :)

plus, i feel this journey will finally lead me to my inner muse.
finally give us the opportunity to play,
dance, twirl,
across pages together mixing words and paint...

and something tells me this will be the process for me.
this will guide me towards the elusive feeling i have been searching for,
this [something] i have always been craving...

so yeah,
i'm not expecting a lot.

not surprisingly then,
this. this post,
also leaves me feeling a little vulnerable.
naked words,
big dreams,
exposed to potential ridicule,
publically or privately;
and already i fear the quiet judgements people may whisper...

but so i guess it's rather apt my journey begins with the fool then ;)