dis·ci·pline (ds-pln)
n.
1. training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.
2. controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.
i am feeling guilty.
i should be at yoga.
why didn't i go to yoga?
i lack discipline.
this is why i lie in a graveyard of good intentions:
writing.
exercising.
cooking.
cleaning.
painting.
scrapbooking.
reading... and the list goes on...
and they lie together lifeless, except for the teasing glimmer of possibility...
my last post was about building and i guess now i am looking for the tools.
discipline seems a must.
why does it feel so difficult sometimes?
why is it so difficult to pick yourself up off the sofa and get down to yoga?
why is it so difficult to just open a blank page or screen and do something with it?
why do i not just read the book i want to read?
or dig out the recipe book and cook what i want to cook?
oh i have the arsenal of excuses:
what if i try and suck?
i'll start tomorrow.
i'm too tired.
i'm not inspired right now.
i don't have the right tools... they just keep on coming!
yet as i write this, i see the answer is simple.
i just need to start changing what i say to myself.
change the questions i ask, the statements i make.
in fact all i need to do is ask myself one simple question:
would doing this bring me closer or further from who i want to be?
and so this is where i need discipline...
i should have gone to yoga tonight... but i will go next week ;)
9 comments:
Everything will fall into place. :)
sweetness*
thank you for speaking these truths...
i can't help but think/hear/know/witness: it's all unfolding perfectly.
sending love across the ocean,
gem
Oh pen... I nodded throughout your post. Been there. Yep. I do that. Mhm. I recognize that.
I decided. One step at a time. Then I am one step ahead. :)
Hugs! best of luck on your journey. May the tools fall into your path :)
Like the others have said, I read this nodding and saying oh yeah oh yeah.
I love the wise question you have formulated for yourself here. I'm gonna use it too.
You could turn this into a poem ... it is almost a poem already - graveyard of good intentions is beautiful.
May I play devil's advocate too and point out that maybe you are just exhausted? In the short time I've known you online I know you've been through ALOT, plus your dad dying and your mom's health ... Maybe, just maybe, you'll go to yoga when it is time.
You are a beautiful soul, whether in warrior pose or lying on the sofa.
Were we separated at birth by any chance? *lol*
I am very disciplined at work, but also struggle with the same things that you mentioned within the home.
I don't remember where I heard it, but someone wonderful said that it takes a lot of discipline to be a free spirit.
What if you try and you rock?
(omg, the word verification here says "headuche". Sometimes it's nice to just surrender to the resistance and come out on the other side).
Wishing you movement and pleasurable cat stretches. :)
Oh do I EVER HEAR YOU!
This: "i see the answer is simple.
i just need to start changing what i say to myself.change the questions i ask, the statements i make." Made me sigh in recognition. Yes. Me TOO. I wish that we weren't so hard on ourselves. Sometimes I think that if the things we loved weren't on our "TO-DO" list, we would actually do and enjoy them more - but we make things into SHOULDS and there is NOTHING LESS FUN THAN A SHOULD.
Be gentle with yourself - you are great & doing the best you can!
xoox
P.S. I get to meet you in just over a MONTH!! YAY YAY YAY!!!
yep, i totally hear you on this one...
i'd been struggling to get back into an exercise routine and eat more healthy foods, then i saw someone at the gym with a figure i can aspire to (and realistically achieve) and thought to myself... in order to have a body like that, what would the person need to do and how would they need to be. this seems to be helping me. i'm not sure if it will help you at all, though it does keep me going to the gym every night - because that's what a person with that body would do.
:)
I can only say that I really relate to your comments! I wish that self discipline came more naturally. But I find that giving myself a break is necessary to move forward, however imperfectly. I try to be kind to myself, as if I were a good friend who needed encouragement.
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