i was having a conversation with one of my clients the other day.
he is a convicted criminal,
with offences of robbery and drugs to name a a few.
like many of the people we work with,
his childhood was poor.
not in poverty,
but poor.
and things didn't come easy.
when C was sentenced to custody at quite a young age,
it unfortunately had the opposite affect on him.
instead of acting as a deterrent,
C decided the risk of getting caught,
versus the reality of prison,
made the odds for the dark side pretty damn appealing.
as the lure of bling bling pulled C deeper and deeper into this new world,
he became accustomed to,
and enjoyed,
the status of wealth.
suddenly he was not only buying whatever his heart desired,
but he was also getting treated with a certain respect he was never given before.
when did we start living in a world where only the symbol of wealth was seen worthy of respect?
when did what you have become the measure of a man?
anyhow,
we sat and talked for well over an hour,
exploring and challenging each others viewpoint on the world.
it was fascinating.
because here i was talking to someone who has lived a life so completely foreign to me,
someone who is speaking of values completely incomprehensible to me,
yet i realised,
someone who shares all the same needs, wants and fears as me.
what we believe is important and,
even moreso,
how we obtain these 'things' is worlds apart;
yet the underlying motivation is the same ~
acceptance, self worth, and love.
for many years i've defaulted to others for acceptance,
because so much of my self worth was invested in it.
i longed for love and,
when i had it,
i wanted to do everything in my power to preserve it.
i am learning now,
to find acceptance within.
this nourishes my soul and,
in turn,
my sense of self.
i still want to do everything in my power to preserve love,
but i know now,
the best way to do that is to be true to myself;
and support cam in all he needs to be true to himself.
on the other hand,
for C,
he believes he needs all the trappings of gold to make him feel worthy;
to others and himself.
with a new family,
he believes he needs to provide them with material abundance,
to show how much he loves them.
i don't know if any of his views have changed as a result of our discussion,
or indeed,
if they ever will.
nor do i justify or condone any of the criminal activities he has been involved in.
but in that hour and a half,
i saw him.
not a criminal,
but a man-child,
so desperately trying to find his place in this world...
like so many of us.
what labels have you shed recently?
postscript: i don't write this to absolve anyone of criminal activity. for every crime committed there are untold victims, as the ramifications of an offence often reaches far beyond the obvious; however one thing i have noticed is something is amiss in the values of our society which is allowing this to happen. i feel what happens out there goes beyond the bad individual and there is something more systemic which, until explored and resolved, will make it a long road to rehabilitation...
9 comments:
Pen, I truly feel where you're coming from with this post. I no longer feel that I need "things" to make me feel safe or that I have to "be" a certain way to receive acceptance. Who I am is fine with me and I only aim to please me and God. :)
Thank you Pen, I know many people like C from where I grew up and for people like that sometimes there is only one path, most of us meet one person that gives us the ability to believe we are capable of something, usually a teacher or parent, but so so often people like C are overlooked. Maybe, just maybe, he is at home thinking about his talk with you, as you are blogging about him and I hope he is thinking "what if?". It gives me hope that there are people like you out there, dealing with people that many of us would rather forget in our own quests for material wealth! There are too many people like C that society overlooks and not enough people like you Pen x
This is a very thought provoking post Pen. I'm not sure if the obsession with status and wealth is a new thing, but the desire for it certainly seems to have increased over the past few decades. A lot of people now measure their value by how much they own and how expensive the objects that they buy are.
Maybe over time, as a consequence of having a family, C will begin to reassess his life, time will tell. The fact that he is open and willing to discuss different viewpoints is a positive sign :-)
three thoughts ~
People that who do bad things like criminal activity are still people, with needs and wants and feelings, just like you and I. To try to understand where they're coming from makes the likelihood of judging or labelling less.
I have learned the very painful lesson that I must not derive my self worth or affirmation from outside myself ~ ie not things, not people.
What we have, or our financial worth, defines our measure because it denotes how much (social) power we possess. Unfortunately, that's how our society rates people.
Everytime I read a post where you talk about your work, I hear how much passion and love you have for the people you work with...and I say a prayer knowing that the people who come in touch with your gentle, soft heart, will be changed forever. xx
This is beautiful. I am so glad that you, sweet and loving, are in this job helping people who may not have much experience with sweet and loving.
What is truly beautiful is as sweet as you are, you are also steely strong ~ you do not let the bad infect you, you are strong in your ability to be loving. What a graceful presence you must be.
You are truly lovely.
It's so very sad. There are slews of youth growing up without love, without a sense of a harbor, without a sense of belonging. And they turn to the criminal element to gain it. They turn to the external trappings to find comfort.
It does not excuse this behavior, but it very much humanizes it. They are victims too.
Thank you, pen for your compassion, and for bringing this into the light.
What a great post. I think labels can be good and bad, depending on what you wear and how you wear it.
What a post!
I often wonder whether the conversations I find myself having with young teens at the moment are not conecting well purely because of the age gap, or whether we truly have allowed a more insidious change to take place.
Back in 67 I would have been one of the free-loving mind altering youths which all seemed terrible to the older generations but brought about some wonderfuly healthy changes...it's hard to imagine healthy outcomes of 'Status Through Bling' though.
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