{nothingness}

you broke my heart tonight.
i screamed in your face with a voice i didn't recognise.
i felt such anger.

i am spent. i am empty. i am hollow.
how do i reconcile these feelings i have?
how do i unravel the the mess that is in my head?
how can i love you and hate you?
how can i want you and wish you were dead?

how can i say those words and mean it?
how do i live with the truth?

i watched you cry and i felt nothing.
that made me sadder still.
i wish i wanted to reach out to you.
i wish that i still had those feelings.
but i think they've gone.
did they die the first time you told me you wanted to?
or was it the second?
maybe the third?
but where are we now? i've lost count.