Pressing Pause.

Following on from my resolution to follow my heart, I've done exactly that and found myself making jewellery, working with crystals, tarot and oracles again, reading up on chakras, and even attempting to make my own cards for future readings!

There's been a fair amount of guilt too, as I still have a list of things To Do for work that seems to be continually growing, and I don't know about you, but when I'm having fun, after awhile I start wondering if I'm just being frivolous and wasting time.  However I am beginning to realise that in order to be the best of who I am, both personally and professionally, I need to return to the source.

Over the last 5 years I've been so focussed on building our business, that I've neglected everything else.  Now, I stand here, grateful for the work we have, but I feel depleted and tired.  Our work has always been an extension of us, but somehow I've allowed it to become the sum of us.

I know now in order to continue growing professionally, I need to pause and allow myself to catch up again spiritually.  That space in between, the pausing, can be uncomfortable.  The uncertainty of what the future looks like can be unsettling.  The letting go of other peoples expectations and judgements hard.

But I am trusting that my heart will lead me in the right direction.

Release.

As I sit here, storm Imogen is raging outside. It seems prophetic that on the eve of a new moon and a new year this potent combination of lunar magic should be swirling around with such energy.

Since November I've feel a strong energy of change around me, and since then I've been trying to capture what it means.  Tonight, I drew a card* to lead me into the new year, and it was Aquamarine, the card of release.

It suddenly dawned on me I've been trying too hard to pin these feelings down.  Instead of simply following them with wonder, I've tried to analyse and define them.  I know the next stage of our life is about to begin, and it's one of open adventure.  Open.  Open to opportunities.  Open to experiences. Open to fear.  Open to joy.   Open to living presently, wholly and fully.

What I've been craving these last few years is simply to follow my heart and be open to how it unfolds.  To relinquish worry, to release control, to surrender to the Universe, and trust that with an open heart it will lead me exactly where I should be.

* I'm currently working with the Crystal Ally cards.