NaBloPoMo

There is something in the blogging World known as NaBloPoMo and I don't actually know what it stands for exactly except that it's an invitation to post something every day in the month of November (edited to add: it actually stands for National Blog Posting Month, of course!) so maybe that alone disqualifies me from calling myself a blogger.  However I was a blogger once upon a time, back in the dark ages when there was a genuine sense of intimacy reading someones blog, and I am often nostalgic for those days.

It was a Renaissance period for me as it was during that time that I discovered photography as an art.  It was also during that time I connected with and met these incredible women through blogging, people I am lucky enough to still call friends.  It was a time that I probably felt most uncertain about my direction in life, yet looking back now, it was also possibly when I felt most alive.  There was a sense of opportunity at the time.  The possibility to do anything,  to be anything, and I was constantly seeking and looking into the World around me for answers.  Despite the frustrations, I was so much more aware.  So much more open.

I stopped blogging here on the 30 April 2010 when I was misguided into thinking creative living was about the art in crafting a vocation, and so I gradually poured all my energy into that.  I couldn't answer why I should continue a separate personal blog, and felt there was no room for naval gazing on my new creative journey which should reflect a dedication and commitment to my photography.

In the last five years I have been richly rewarded with my own photography business, something I am grateful for every day, however over the last few years in particular, there has been a growing discontent within me.  Something was missing, yet I couldn't put my finger on what.

Then tonight it hit me, an ephiphany so obvious I'm actually embarassed to say it took me this long to figure out. As some one who scored 100% introversion on the Myers Brigg Personality test (I'm INFP by the way) it's no wonder I've felt lost since I abandoned the true reason I started blogging in the first place.  I can't believe it's taken me so long to figure out,  because I even wrote it in black and white here. Okay, so maybe I wouldn't necessarily use the term "tribe" now, but the essence of everything I wrote there still stands.  I miss connecting on a deeper level.  It's a part of me that feels tired and neglected, and maybe a little harder to find these days, but I believe is still open.

And so, although I never knew what NaBloPoMo stood for before, I know this month it's about bringing me home.