Now and Then

{Inspired by what I hope will now be a weekly occurance, for more Sunday Scribblings, go here}

I am hoping that by writing this, my first blog post, in the wee hours of the morning it will enable me to write more fluidly and uncensored. More *honestly*. The deep night has that affect on me... I feel more. Hear more. The silence envelopes me like a velvet duvet, and I let go of any sense of responsibility and allow myself to be carried in the present. So I am hoping this will help here, for ever since I made the decision to keep a blog this coming year, I have been battling with my reasons why. I know I've been inspired by the many wondrous blogs floating in the aether but what have I to offer? And I don't mean that in a meek self pitying fashion, but one of my biggest 'problems' is my inability to be open and, for me anyway, the main beauty in those blogs is the sheer lack of inhibition, the unrestrictive invitation into their lives. It's surprising in a way because I used to be an incredibly open person but I got lost somewhere in the transition from girl to woman. Somewhere on that journey I lost my way and my courage with it. Ever since then I have cocooned myself within the secure comforts of what I know to be 'safe', yet unwittingly and slowly stifling my spirit...

So my word for 2008 is going to be FOUNDATIONS. The last few years have been a period of unsettling transitions and I need some strong foundations in my life again. For myself, my marriage, my family, my life. I want to have a solid foundation upon which I can rebuild old dreams and create new ones. I want to feel grounded in my skin and know who I am. I want to be proud to share myself with others, so that I may learn to connect with people again on a level that I have been truly missing...

It suddenly dawned on me that to the casual observer I must read like someone who has a lot of woes, when in fact I feel incredibly blessed. Ironically it is because I feel so lucky that I have begun to question who I am. I have been given this amazing life, so I do not want to squander any second of it. I live, laugh and love every day but I know that I can do more. Give more. Be more. 2008 is the year I start to live with my eyes and heart wide open.